How do you know if there's a scuba diver in the room?

Just wait 5 minutes (or less)
He wears a watch that would put a Navy aviator to shame, it beeps to tell everyone he's got it, and it doubles as a dive computer
He wears a Jacques Cousteau red hat
He sports a Shark Tooth necklace that (he says) he'd picked up in Guam
He shows you the old wounds from the critters he's got over the mantlepiece back home
He's got every piece of equipment that Neptune has, that you have, and then some
He's been bent, narced, and shot at in more dive spots than you can imagine
He's been technical advisor on every underwater movie since Sea Chase
He knows who Dempsey of the Deep was, and has a signed photo of Mike Nelson
He (says he) is an ex-SEAL and Halo diver
He'd love to invite you out on his boat but it's still being serviced after that New Years bash
He leaves you with the Bar/Restaurant bill
He's got a permanent mask imprint on his face
His wardrobe is denim, denim, denim; 3mil, 5mil and formal dry suit
He sports a tattoo he picked up in the Philippines (usually rude or gung ho)
He tells you that he goes to the same workout gym as Arnold and learned Kung Fu from Bruce
He will always have seen bigger, faster sharks than you can wave a snorkel at
He'll tell you about the whale shark that nobody else saw

From the Internet